Italy, anno 2013

In the past I used to go up to Italy many times a year to take care of my mother in law. We had a very special bond and I always felt very connected to her. She passed away a few years ago, but I will always carry her in my heart and treasure the sweet memories with her.

As she faced many health problems, she needed people to take care of her, cook for her, bathe her and clean her apartment. But most of all she needed a companion to lift up her spirits and do fun things. At least that’s what I thought. Because sitting around at home watching television all day is not uplifting for anyone. And if you feel bad, your health will reflect that as well and a vicious circle is just lurking around the corner. But what do you do when your mobility is impaired?

So we cruised around in her little, old Cinquecento visiting zoos, parcs and picknick areas. While we made plans together, I noticed she really had a hard time telling me what she wanted to do. She was not used to deciding, she was not used to making decisions or taking initiative. She was a sweet, gentle lady always focusing on others and responding to whatever crossed her path, not thinking about what she wanted.

One afternoon we needed to get out of the apartment because it was very hot, but we actually didn’t have a fixed destiny to go to. So I drove the little car up front, let her in, put the wheelchair in the back and we would go onto the main road. I decided to play a little game with her and let her decide where to go. Not by thinking of a far destiny, but by choosing what to do at every cross roads. Do we go left, right or straight ahead? In the beginning it was not easy for her. “What if I make the wrong decision?” she said. So I assured her by telling there is no wrong decision, because without a fixed destination we can go anywhere. This gave her some confidence.

So we cruised around the country side in the surroundings of Verona. We visited the most beautiful places, found a perfect picknick spot “by chance”, marvelled at the vast vineyards, hill views and had a wonderful time together. We laughed and enjoyed all these new experiences. I saw that she relaxed into her ability to choose the direction she wanted to go and enjoying where it got her.

This was a fun, intuitive game we played and now, 5 years later, I still look back on it as one of the happiest moments of my life. I also use this technique in my own life. If I don’t know which action to take or my long term focus gets a little clouded or takes unexpected turns, I just focus on the next step. I pause, take a deep breath, close my eyes and feel the next step. Usually it takes me to the most beautiful places. Just moving along step by step and let life unfold itself in front of my eyes. This is where my intuition gets stronger and stronger, things go easy, I reconnect with flow and synchronicities happen. The key is not to think too much.

What is your next step? What adventure is around the corner to surprise you with the outcome? What effect does this little fun exercise have on other big life themes you are dealing with?

Let me know below in the comments!